My feminism tends to be of the on-again-off-again sort. As a child—thanks to parents who encouraged me—I never considered any good character trait, activity, or occupation to be off limits because of my sex. I didn't think much about feminism back then; I just acted, becoming the first girl to break the sex barrier in my high school's stage band, and the only or one of just a few girls in some of my science classes. This sounds tame and silly from a 21st century perspective, but it was a big deal back then.
When Feminism became a movement, however, I soon had to distance myself from it, largely because it distanced itself from me. I was (and am) all for equality of opportunity—as much as is physically possible; I don't ever want to see men getting pregnant—but when Feminism veered into being anti-man and pro-abortion, when it denigrated the role of homemaker and made the two-income family first common and then in some cases necessary, and when it invoked "political correctness" over the very words we speak and even started calling God "Our Mother," that's when I turned away. Not from my beliefs, which hadn't changed, but from the movement and the label. Women were now included, and succeeding, in nearly every possible opportunity; it was time, I believed, to give feminism a rest.
Until I found myself for a few years in the company of some people (mostly men) whose view of women was more oppressive than anything I'd known growing up nearly half a century earlier. Then I realized that even a necessary correction to the movement's faults and excesses (great though they were and are) could send us back too far. I actually worry less about those men now than I do about the Princess infatuation that little girls are embracing as they did Barbie dolls. (And still do? I've been out of the scene for a while.) We're still encouraging our boys to be smart and strong and our girls to be...pretty.
How does one raise boys to be men and girls to be women and all to be intelligent, strong, and competent people? The impetus for this post was an article I read yesterday in a church bulletin insert, which included this paragraph.
A godly father has a profoundly positive influence on the life of his son or daughter. He teaches his son the importance of self-control, respect for women, the value of work, and healthy risk taking. He affirms his daughter's femininity by expressing his appreciation for her as a woman. Dads, keep these thoughts in mind as you nurture healthy gender identity in your children.
Excuse me? The best a father can do for his daughter is to appreciate her as a woman? I thank God my father did a lot more for me than that! Self-control, respect, the value of work, and healthy risk taking are things we all need to learn—not just half of us.
I do believe boys need to be taught how to be good men, and girls to be good women, and that these roles are not identical. But could we please find a way to make boys into men without putting down girls? It must be possible to nurture in boys fatherly and protective characteristics without appealing to pride, which generates worse problems.
Any ideas?
Can we save this one for the drive north in July? I have had bad experiences with discussing these sort of topics via e-mail or other written media.
...that said, I do agree that the bulletin excerpt is lacking, if only because it doesn't say what it means with "appreciation for her as a woman." Does being a woman alone merit appreciation? Does being a man not merit appreciation? Or are they omitting a similar set of characteristics as what they list for boys because they take it for granted in women? (That would seem foolish.) What makes a woman? The excerpt doesn't address that and thus empties its exhortation to fathers of most its meaning.
We can try, though I'm better at written communication and have had more bad experiences face-to-face. Perhaps face-to-back-of-head will work better. :)
Maybe Stephan can talk, and you can pass letters to the back seat. (or text message...)
:)
That made me chuckle, though I suspect I'll be doing a fair bit of the driving, which would make it hard (illegal?) to read the messages...
Illegal in some states, but not uncommon.
To all my dear ones, Not to worry. Mom and Stephan will get along just fine and there is plenty of time to sit and digest what the other has said while waiting for the upset feelings to settle down and formulate a response. Mom and I can practice thinking more before speaking knowing that our audience is captive. Stephan can learn patience for our endurance for long discussions. ;) Stephan, you can always switch to teaching us German which is guaranteed to tone down the conversation and still be appreciated. ;)
And French! I want practice in French! Though at my current vocabulary level that would hardly get us from St. Augustine to Jacksonville....
