Reading old newspapers is always eye-opening, even when they are from years I myself lived through. While researching for another project, I came upon an old Ann Landers column, published in 1967. What a difference 40 years makes. Would Ann have given the advice in this excerpt even 10 years later?
Dear Ann Landers: I feel like I am living in the dark ages. My husband refuses to allow me to wear shorts in the summer or stretch pants in the winter. — Texas Woman
Dear Woman: I say if a husband is opposed to shorts and stretch pants for ANY reason, a wife should respect his wishes. There are plenty of attractive skirts you can wear, and I hope you will.
First I fumed, then I laughed. All the emotions you would expect. He “refuses to allow” her to choose her own clothing? As if she were a child under three? (Or maybe under two—I believe Faith has a lot of say in what she wears. And opinions, as well.) These days “controlling what you wear” makes the list of traits of an abusive relationship. These days an advice columnist would be more likely to excoriate the man and maybe suggest the woman ignore him, or even leave.
And therein lies the bit of sorrow I feel that we have left those days behind. How often in the 21st century do we get advice to respect someone else’s wishes over our own? To think less selfishly? I’m reminded of Ann Landers’ own (later) advice to women unhappy in a relationship: Ask yourself: “Am I better off with him, or without him?” Always, “What is best for me?” and rarely, “What is best for others?”*
We have lost as well as gained.
