Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture, by Adam S. McHugh (IVP Books, 2009)
This isn't actually a review—yet. But this is clearly a book I need to read, so I've ordered it from the library despite my already intimidating "to read" list.
Adam McHugh was interviewed in the most recent Mars Hill Audio Journal, and I was hooked immediately. (Something like this happens every time I think about letting my Mars Hill subscription lapse.)
McHugh tells the story of one little girl who was astonished when mother commented that she was being awfully quiet—because it was anything but quiet in her own mind.
Introverts have constant activity going on in their heads; neurological studies have shown that the brains of introverts actually show more blood flow, more activity, than the brains of extroverts; this, it is speculated, is why they need less external stimulation. IN fact, they need solitude in order to be able to deal with all that neurological action, and if they don't get it, their brain chemistry becomes imbalanced.
So. Li'l Writer Guy is not my own invention, but the normal manifestation of an introverted brain.
Another reason I was intrigued by this particular book was the author's view that the Church marginalizes introverts, making them feel unwanted, ungifted, and inferior—and in the process missing out on the particular gifts introverts have to bring to the Body of Christ. The reason, McHugh explains, is that most American churches, like our society in general, are run by extroverts and promote a culture of extroversion. I suspect I'll agree with him when I read the book, but I'm almost certain my son-in-law, the extrovert, will strongly disagree. Perhaps it is the endpoints that are marginalized, and feel that society is bent towards the other extreme—the way my liberal friends see a strong conservative bias to the news media, when it is so obviously the other way around. :)
McHugh has a website, Introverted Church, which I've only begun to investigate. I think it's going to be fun, and maybe helpful. I've already found a number of Yes! moments, such as this comment in a discussion about introverts in communal cultures.
[L]iving in West and Central Africa as an introvert was very hard. My housemate (also an introvert) and I basically took turns dealing with the streams of people. Having a housemate also took care of some other introvert pitfalls, like the fact that it was considered horrible that someone should be alone while they were sick. The cultural norm was that your friends should come sit by your bedside. Our African friends assumed that my housemate was doing that for me, when what she was *really* doing was letting me have alone time.
While it's nice to have someone around to help out when one is sick, having someone constantly by my bedside would definitely impede my recovery.
Have any of you read McHugh's book? What are your thoughts?
I'd love to read it, but I doubt the University of Basel libraries carry it. I'm curious to learn about introverts who become mothers. Already being an introvert with a husband provides enough stimulation, but with a being that constantly needs your attention, when can an introvert get the necessary alone time without alienating the people she loves? And what does an introvert with too much stimulation and a chemical imbalance in the brain look like?
I'll know more when I get my hands on the book, but I'm afraid it won't answer your questions, being more about churches than about the phenomenon itself. But we shall see; and perhaps there will be more information on the blog.
In the interview McHugh mentions that the brain chemical imbalance results in feelings of disorientation, or what one author called "introverted vapor lock." I believe the latter is an internal combustion engine analogy, and I hope some car enthusiast will explain it, but it doesn't sound good.
He also gives a personal example of a time when he was required, at a retreat, to be in constant social interaction mode for a couple of days. He started having physical symptoms, being incredibly tired even though he was getting enough sleep. He said it was sort of an out-of-body experience; he felt as if he were watching himself, and was disoriented and confused. It took him two or three days after that retreat to fully recover both physically and emotionally.
(Side note: this is one reason I prefer reading text to listening, though the latter does work better on walks and when driving. It took a lot longer to find that information again, and to listen, type, rewind, listen, type, rewind, etc.)
It is admittedly hard to be a new mother. If you're an extrovert, you feel isolated and bored (typing that I think I finally understand why some moms feel that way!), and if you're an introvert you cannot get the processing time you desperately need. But it does get better!
Here's another quote from the Introverted Church blog discussion on Africa:
My introverted friends seem to find other ways of getting their needed processing time. In some tribes, for instance, it's considered rude to carry on a conversation while eating. Other people I know seem to do a lot of internal processing while cooking or doing laundry. I, on the other hand, when I lived in a more communal setting a few years ago, would spend three times as long as necessary going to the bathroom, simply because that was the only place where I knew I wouldn't be disturbed!
As difficult as it seems now, livin' la vida mama is good for introverts, because physical work, if it's not too strenuous, is conducive to thinking (George MacDonald mentions that more than once), and babies don't even mind if you think out loud. :) How to deal well with interruptions is a problem I still haven't solved. I always remember a great passage in Tolkien's Leaf by Niggle: The main character was in life always troubled by interruptions, as one suspects Tolkien was himself. In a sort of purgatory, Niggle learns to handle them:
He could take up a task the moment one bell rang, and lay it aside promptly the moment the next one went, all tidy and ready to be continued at the right time. He got through quite a lot in a day, now; he finished small things off neatly. He had no "time of his own" (except alone in his bed-cell), and yet he was becoming master of his time; he began to know just what he could do with it. There was no sense of rush. He was quieter inside now, and at resting-time he could really rest.
Heather and other introvert mothers reading this blog: what tips and tricks can you add?
This is where dads are so helpful to introvert moms. As the children get older, the dads can take them to events or to visit other family members, giving Mom a couple of hours/days completely to herself. It does wonders!
Yes, having a husband who at least understands that I need alone time (even if he doesn't really understand it himself) really does help. For sure, there are many many times of overstimulation for the introvert mom, everybody wanting not only your attention, but to be touching you, at once.
Lots of prayer and depending on the Heavenly Father for strength is also essential.
That way, an introvert mother can be a joyful mother and even look forward to having everyone jumping all over her again when they come back from their outing. (: When the rest of my family went on a bike trip earlier this month, I truly enjoyed my day to myself, but I was also very happy to have them all back in the evening.
It's interesting that he describes it as an out-of-body experience. I feel much the same way since I had Joseph. I'm not sure where Janet went and I've been play-acting at being a mom. When I'm around people I'm bouncy enough, but afterwards I feel disoriented. I get a similar feeling from too much computer, especially if I use any form of instant messaging. That's part of why the idea of going cold-turkey with the computer is so appealing to me, but I just can't do it . . .
Sorry, I commented without seeing the above two comments. I like what joyful said about being happy when the family comes back. Part of my problem is that I do very much enjoy being with people and having my baby at my side. It's just that somehow I need some space or I go crazy - it's frustrating and hard to describe, so I'm happy at least to hear from other mothers who feel the same way and lived to tell the tale!
Excerpt: Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture, by Adam S. McHugh (IVP Books, 2009) (I wrote briefly about this book based on a Mars Hill Audio interview with its author; now I have finally read it myself and can do it mor...
Weblog: Lift Up Your Hearts!
Date: August 20, 2011, 12:43 pm
Excerpt: Into the Silent Land: A Guide to the Christian Practice of Contemplation , by Martin Laird (Oxford University Press, 2006) The physical benefits of meditative techniques are well established, and I’d like to be able to take adva...
Weblog: Lift Up Your Hearts!
Date: November 11, 2010, 8:36 pm
