Lift Up Your Hearts!

A companion to my previous post on fun. A four-way collaboration among me, my grandson, Copilot, and Claude.  Details to come, I hope.

As promised in a previous post, here's a follow-up to my dad's thoughts about happiness, during a 1993 Elderhostel lecture in Uruguay.

An event on the same day inspired similar thoughts on fun.

The same thing happened later that night. A friend of one of the speakers joined us at dinner and he sat across from the man next to me. At one time he asked my neighbor "Which of your activities so far has been the most fun?" My answer would have been that none has been fun. "Fun" describes a roller coaster ride (at least if you are much younger than I). "Fun" describes a short-term activity that has a lot of action with it. Our activities were interesting and/or educational but they were not fun. If you are not happy, you are not necessarily unhappy; if you are not having fun, you are not necessarily bored. Or at least that is the world as I see it. But I think I have the wisdom not to argue about it with anyone.

Living in the land of high-speed theme park thrill rides, at my age I no longer find most roller coasters pleasant, let alone fun. Research, writing, and the process of creation are usually quite enough action for me, and a sufficient response when someone asks, "But what do you do for fun?" Even if they then think I'm crazy.

I agree with my father, even if I generally lack the wisom in his final line.

One characteristic I share with of both my parents is a deep-seated suspicion of psychology and psychiatry, especially in their popular manifestations. Granted, I've known people who have been helped by counsellors, but I've also known those who have been badly hurt by the process. History is littered with examples of "best medical practices" that were more likely to kill patients than to cure them, and practices that mess with people's minds are no exception.

I totallly agree with my father's reaction to a lecture he heard in 1993, while visiting Uruguay.

The lecturer started talking about an article from "Psychology Today" on "The Secrets of Happiness," and I began to have problems. The problems were mainly with semantics and my interpretation of the meaning of words and while this was not a subject for discussion, I spent a fair amount of time thinking about it.

The article listed four important traits of happy people:

1. Self Esteem: Happy people like themselves.

2. Optimism: Happy people are hope-filled.

3. Extroversion: Happy People are outgoing.

4. Personal Control: Happy People believe they choose their destinies.

Of course I got into trouble early by asking what is meant by self esteem. I think she figured it was obvious, but she gave a rather long explanation that I didn't understand either. I suppose the answer is: Of course I like myself—I'm the only self I have.

But what we did not discuss is my dislike of the word "happy." To my mind, "happy" is a rather shallow word that describes a short-term condition. You were happy about Heather's recital; Porter's birthday was a happy event. But over the long run, your life is not happy except at times. You are contented, your life has been very satisfying, but it has always had the ups and downs that make "happy" inappropriate. Anyway, I think there are better words, no matter what others think. Perhaps my problem is that I don't have all the important traits for being happy.

I have still more to say about that letter, and that lecture, but that will be for another time.

This was my father's comment, from a 1993 letter, on the prevalence of creative wedding vows. I think that trend started in the 1960's.

I think the standard words are just fine if people would only listen while they repeat the marriage vows.