Facebook's record for showing me items of value is dismal—but there are still enough gems to keep me on the platform. Whatever is neither a good idea nor genuinely funny I prefer to ignore, because to write about bad things gives them publicity. I've never forgotten one newspaper columnist who wrote, "I don't care if you love me or hate me, as long as you read my columns."
However, some ideas are so bad they require warnings, and a post I saw in my feed the other day needs to be called out.
It was a list, written as if from a mental health professional, of things people say that may sound helpful but are actually put-downs. "When they say X, they're actually being disrespectful and insulting; you should answer their intentions rather than their words by responding Y."
If this were a one-off it might best be ignored, but I see a growing trend.
- 10 Signals that Your Partner Is Trying to Control You
- 15 Childrearing Practices that Are Actually Abuse (followed by a list of strategies whose primary fault appears to be that they do not conform to the writer's personal view of ideal parenthood)
- 6 Body Language Signs that Tell You When Someone Is Lying
And similar exhortations to worst-first thinking: assuming that what a person says is not what he means, attributing to him the desire to do you harm, and never giving him the benefit of the doubt.
What's interpreted as malevolence may simply reflect cultural differences, stress, or perhaps physical problems. (Memo to the body language expert who insists that frequent blinking is a sign that a person is lying: It's much more likely that he is suffering from dry eyes, or has been staring at a screen too long, or finds the sunlight too bright.)
Unreasonable suspicion may at times be a survival tool, but it's the mark of an unhealthy society. You cannot live well if you're always looking for hidden meanings, assuming the worst, and checking for monsters under your bed. I know people who choose their seats in a restaurant based on these fears, but can you truly enjoy a meal if you're constantly scanning for villains who might burst through the door at any time, guns blazing?
Naïveté makes a person vulnerable, and willful ignorance invites trouble, but suspicion throws sulfuric acid on relationships.
