(This is not the resolution I thought I'd be adding this month, but as authors often say about the characters in their novels, my resolutions tend to take on a life and will of their own.)
Not everything—even on the Internet—requires the expression of my opinion.
Anyone who knows me from recent years—where "recent" probably means the last 15 years or so—may find it hard to believe that my habit of jabbering away on any subject that interests me is not my natural state of being. I like silence, do not like to talk about myself, and have always preferred to have other people carry the burden of conversation.
But silence is not generally considered "friendly" in the presence of other people. I am blessed with a husband who will happily be silent with me for long stretches of time and not feel slighted, but for most social interactions, silence is not golden, but rather interpreted as indifference or even hostility.
Thus I made it a matter of effort and prayer to open up and share in conversation with others. Perhaps a bit too much. :) If I don't like to talk about myself, I've discovered that I do like to talk about my thoughts and opinions. This can be helpful in some contexts, such as discussion groups and classes, but in general conversation tends to bore some and overwhelm others. Worse, I get carried away, and that does not leave room—physically or psychologically—for what I want to hear, which is the other person's thoughts, opinions, and experiences.
So this month's new resolution involves:
- Listening for signals that I'm with other people who don't find silence unfriendly.
- Working on conversational strategies to encourage others to speak.
- Remembering that it is not necessary to express my opinion on any- and everything.*
- When asked for my thoughts, trying to give them in digestible portions rather than the all-you-can-eat buffet.
Progress Report
#1 Read More Books June's progress was half of May's, and it can't get any less and still be a postive whole number. I'm living amidst a veritable feast of books that I want to read and thus far have read one of them. But I'm not worried. There are seasons in life, and babies don't keep. And yes, I've so far chosen writing over reading in my spare time.
#2 Rediscover Feasting No Fasting Wednesdays while overseas—I suppose that's a kind of feasting. :)
#3 Learn to Relax No progress in actually relaxing, but some in data gathering, I think. I attended two of Janet's Alexander Technique classes, and even had a private lesson with her teacher while we were waiting for labor to progress. I'm also halfway through a book her teacher recommended. Although I'm still quite incompetent at it, I'm learning to ask, "Do I really need to tense this particular muscle to do the task at hand?" We all waste much effort and energy on useless actions—who doesn't know the phenomenon of sticking out one's tongue when concentrating? Often we feel it's actually wrong not to put forth as much effort as possible, even useless effort. For example, she assured me that tensing my own muscles when Janet was not even in the room was not going to assist the progress of her labor in the least, but at some gut level that was hard to acknowledge.
#4 Like More Things Living in another household is always a good time to try new food combinations, and when that household is in another country the opportunities are multiplied. When that country is Switzerland, some of them involve chocolate. Gooseberries, too.
#5 Pay Attention Hmm. I haven't been paying much attention to this resolution. But I have been paying more attention to locations and directions this month, as I've been taking many solo walks through the city of Basel, and need to be able to find my way home.
#6 Cast Away Fear This month has provided a few opportunities: In addition to my city-wanderings—which trust me was at least at the beginning an exercise in conquering fear—there was also my first solo overseas trip, and participating in the long and difficult (though in the end joyful and radically successful) home birth of a new grandchild.
