This resolution has been coming up on my agenda for months, only to be replaced by what seemed to be a more urgent or appropriate idea. But now its time has come.
I love you.
What a powerful phrase—perhaps the most blessed concept in any tongue. But what does it mean? What do we mean when we say it?
- I want you.
- You're sexy.
- I like the way you make me feel.
- I want you to love me.
- I need you.
- I like the power I have over you.
- You make me happy.
- You're good to me.
- You're good for me.
- I want to live my life through your accomplishments.
- I know what's best for you.
And so on. How often is what we call our love for another person mixed up with our own needs and desires? In my case, too often. Why else would I worry so much about what others will think of what I do, say, or write?
Mind you, there's some good in that concern. It's good to consider the consequences of one's actions. But I think many of us spend far more time asking not what affect our actions have on others, nor what they think of our words and deeds, but what they think of us.
You can't run a business that way, you can't teach a class that way, you can't raise children that way—at least not with much success. Maybe you can't live a life that way. For certain you can't love that way.
I've caught myself up short, sometimes, thinking, "Who am I more concerned about in this interaction, the other person, or myself?" This resolution is an effort to make that question second nature.
Progress Report
#1 Read More Books September was a very good month, with nine books read. Some were of more substance than others, but all were read for their own sake, not for swelling the list, so I'm happy about it. The count stands at 44 books for the year, so I think I have a good chance of meeting my one-book-per-week goal (eight more), though going into the long holiday season, it would be a real stretch to meet the more ambitions five-per-month goal (16 more).
#2 Rediscover Feasting About the same.
#3 Learn to Relax Ditto.
#4 Like More Things I'm beginning to understand why people like to run. I've always liked walking, but to enjoy running is new. I also realized this month that I actually enjoy drinking wine and can now answer the "What do you think of this wine?" question a little more intelligently than, "Eh, it's wine." I don't think I"ll ever be enthusiastic about it—certainly not the way I am about chocolate—but as with soda, it is good to be able to enjoy it occasionally, rather than actively disliking it.
#5 Pay Attention Status quo.
#6 Cast Away Fear The same.
#7 Talk Less, Listen More Several times in different conversations I made a consious decision to do this, which I regard as progress.
#8 Enjoy Spontaneity Not much to report. Perhaps a step backwards, as my GTD system is fraying around the edges and needs a tweak. GTD is the best resource I've found yet for enabling me to enjoy spontaneity.
#9 End with the Beginning in Mind I've made a point of starting a new book as soon as I finish one, which may help explain September's progress at #1, though to be honest that was probably more influenced by being sick for more than a week. I've also discovered that having clearly defined, small, "next actions" are important here. Having a big project all lined up to go in the morning can lead to neglecting other projects and a return of the nagging worries GTD is supposed to eliminate. What I really need to do is discipline myself to make progress, however small, on all fronts worthy of being called active projects, then give extra attention to the one that is currently grabbing my attention.
